aerope

11:05 am: boooo life
I am so emo, it is pathetic. This week I've turned in 49 pages of writing and have another 12-15 to go, so I'm working on less sleep than usual (plus being woken up by construction, and still having a sinus headache this morning). It's making me very emotional and sad and I'm spewing anxiety on everyone everywhere, about everything. I can't wait for finals to be over so I can sleep and stop spoiling everyone's fun.

On the agenda for when I become freeeee:
1. Sleep
2. Clean biohazard room
3. Hike! Run! Bike! Enjoy beautiful spring as much as possible for two days before driving south to sticky summer!
4. Drink!
5. Return research paper books, and get fun books from library!

10:37 pm: I am sitting in a friend's common room, waiting for her to finish getting ready to go out. We have to go! The liquor store closes in 20 minutes and it's a 10 minute walk, what if we don't there? There will be NO RUM then!!

I dyed strawberry red streaks into my hair this week, it is cool.

There are 2 weeks left of the semester. I have 63 pages of writing left to do. Yikes!

12:04 am: General update
Whoa! Life is overfull right now! In good and bad ways, mostly good though.

So much work for my terribly interesting classes that I'm finally learning not to do it all, but it distresses me, and I still end up pulling all-nighters. I have no idea how I'm going to write sixty pages of final papers.

I no longer feel guilty prioritizing lengthy meals or coffee with friends and professors, either, since it's going to be so long without seeing them, so I'm definitely enjoying more of a social life than I would if I cared about efficiency or my food budget. I really, truly do not know how ceciliaj does it, she has an incredibly fun life with lots of beer with friends AND is doing well in grad school, but she is a shining example of the good life.

Christianity is slowly becoming more and more a part of my life, in behavior and vocabulary, and I notice when I compare to a year or two ago; I think living with Christians who just assume it should be integrated with everyday life quite actively has really influenced me. I still do think of myself as an independent entity alone in the universe, though, and that intimate feeling of singularity does not mesh with faith too well.

Finally I'm really fantasizing about and looking forward to what happens after graduation. GREECE! GREECE!!! I cannot believe I am REALLY going to do archaeology! I cannot believe I am going to have a totally free and self-determined schedule! I am going to have such an exciting and yet well-rested life! (Greenland is even becoming more interesting and less scary the more I get used to the idea and think of the skills for living alone and meeting new people I will develop before I get there.)

I know it will be lonely, but today and yesterday I discovered iChat and Skype, so I can talk to lots of people for free on the internet, video or voice! I think that will help a lot, if I can get internet access while abroad, to actually see and hear dear people's voices sometimes. I hope my family gets it, and if any of you have it we can totally talk!

I am also working a lot lately with research assistant stuff for two different professors, both projects involving basically digitizing pictures and newspapers. Not very interesting, and awfully inconvenient since it has to be done 9-5 and I have classes all afternoon, but I am paid quite well so can't complain.

The only things I really do not have room for in my life are getting ahead on studying Greek and Danish, running, and sleeping. So I am pretty unhealthy. Oh well, another thing to look forward to for graduation.

12:25 am: It's an I-hate-everything evening because I got a bad grade and a funding rejection today and had one of those annoying conversations that made me feel like if I don't have a boyfriend I'm not really part of adult society. Great, you sleep over in your boyfriend's dorm room, you're a real grown up now, hope you enjoy letting other people know how childlike they are.

This does remind me that I forgot about my New Year's resolution, though, which was to take a social risk every day. I haven't taken one today, so I think I will e-mail a vague acquaintance I'd like to know better and ask about meeting for lunch.

Okay done! I feel like a risk taker. But if I'm going to go to foreign countries by myself I need to be assertive!

11:44 am: It is spring break and I am in Washington! I'm hanging out at a friend's apartment right now (she's at work), pretending I'm going to do some research soon because my whole excuse for being here is to do research, but I don't really want to. It's like spring here, I want to do something outdoors! I've already gone on a run, it was lovely. Maybe I'll do enough research to not feel guilty, and then walk to the National Mall or the Library of Congress or something. Yes.

11:05 am: I do not know what to do tonight for dinner! My options:

-House dinner
-Russian lecture on letters from the Gulag
-Classics lecture on Odysseus and iambic song
-Dinner discussion with chaplain on liberation theology

What should I do, anyone who reads this journal? Probably classics or liberation theology, right?

Oh sigh. My computer is dead, but I am behind on everything anyway, including stuff I really shouldn't be behind on. The function of this semester is apparently to burn me out enough that I'll be really happy to graduate. Right now I am in a computer lab and two girls are talking quietly. That's okay, what's really getting me is how one of them has a really annoying panty laugh. Stop being happy!

07:49 pm: Sadly, my computer is either in a coma or clinically dead, but the tech people haven't bothered to tell me yet. (I hope they've at least LOOKED at it by now.) So updates will be rare. I'm in a lab now.

12:01 am: It's a Friday night and I'm writing a paper in the computer lab because my computer broke, and my friend who said she'd visit and bring wine has failed to show up, so that is pretty unfortunate. But I just found out that David Bowie did a cover of "Waiting for the Man," and that rocks my world.

And in 10 minutes, I give up, go home, and spend tomorrow morning on this uzhasniy fucking paper.

09:58 am: I've decided what to give up for Lent: excessive negativity and unnecessary comparisons of myself to others. These are unpleasant things but I engage in them, and sometimes enjoy their unpleasantness, more than is healthy or even, in a sense, morally acceptable.

Also I went to a 7 AM Ash Wednesday service and now really want to take a nap. Too early! It reminded me of Easter, though, as that's the only other time I've gotten up so early for church, which is nice because I love Easter.

And I have a date today! I've never had a date with someone I wasn't already friends with, so it is odd. I hope it's fun but don't really want it to lead to anything...perhaps it's too early to be having or rejecting such hopes anyway.

Hmm...what to do right now...exercise, take a nap, or do homework?

OOhhh! Thoughts of excessive negativity, there you are! I REJECT you! Mwahaha!

04:24 pm: This morning in church I thought about how it will soon be Lent and I feel called to give something up for it. A horrible thought entered my mind...coffee? Can I survive midterm month without coffee, given that I usually sleep 6-7 hours a night and that decreases by an hour or two during midterms? I hate the idea, but perhaps that means it's a good one.

At lunch, a friend suggested booze as something I would still miss that wouldn't interfere in my daily life as much. That's a good idea. I'm just not sure to what extent it should interfere with my daily life - should it be something I just miss on weekend evenings or when there's wine at dinner, or should I be thinking about it all the time so I think about God all the time?

Or maybe I should look up really traditional Lenten fasts. That sounds interesting, actually, I should do that anyway, out of curiosity. [Brother, if you are reading this, do not even THINK of giving up ANY item of nutritional value for ANY reason. You are plenty undernourished already. If you feel moved to, I suggest refraining from booze or pot instead.]

Today I am spending my afternoon and early evening reading about Central Asian nomads. It is awesome! Oh also I got into a great field school in GREECE! It is unfortunately terribly expensive but I will probably be able to work that out somehow. Wish me luck!